Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
