My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
