Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I need moral support for this bender
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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