from now on my penis is your penis
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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