I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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