just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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