We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
