I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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