How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
