You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
