Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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