you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize