do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
