no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
