Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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