I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
