dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
