Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
