at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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