I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
