Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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