i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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