just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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