she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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