my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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