I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
