you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
