I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
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She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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