we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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