She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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