I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
