i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can you bring me the toilet please
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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