Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
