His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
