but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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