why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
