you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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