I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
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I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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