He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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