you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
