Yo dont text me then not text me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Im part way to drunk.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
