hotel room ftw
Even my vagina gasped.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
