just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When did angry sex become our thing?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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