At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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