I faked an abortion last night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
