just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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