sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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