he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
