mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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