the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
