Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
