isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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