I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In other news, I just burned my penis
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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