"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
