I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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