Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize