I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
