marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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