Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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