she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
