I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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