Yo dont text me then not text me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
