problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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