Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
