just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
