In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
