I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
