The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
